My Life Be Like...

Why do we care so much about what others think about us? Do we really need that constant assurance from an “outsider” that we are beautiful, smart, funny,sweet, caring, talented, etc? I must admit it is nice when someone pays a compliment because it says, “I’ve noticed________ about you and I think you should know”.  There is nothing wrong with being honest with someone and telling them how nice they look, or how well they did in a game, or whatever because you never know how a nice comment can turn someone’s whole day around.  

My problem is that we live in a society where people are so into themselves that they are constantly yearning for approval by someone else….so much so, that society uses social media devices such as Facebook to have people “rate” them and share a “truth” about them.  Honestly, who cares what someone else thinks of you!?!?

The thing that sparked this rant was a recent visit to facebook land where I noticed (for like the billionth time) a status update: “Like for truths and a rating”.  The audacity of some people just kills me!!  Here is my list of “what’s wrong with this picture”: 

What’s wrong with this picture?

(Maybe I’ll start a new segment and call it that…hmmm?)

#1: Why would anyone care enough to know what someone else thinks about them, their appearance, their lifestyle choices, their personality, etc? Honestly, if someone really had strong enough feelings of like/dislike about you Im sure they’d let you know. For example, I have a friend who is with out a doubt the nicest most genuine human being I have ever met and everybody who knows this person thinks that.  Now do you think this person needs the validation via a “like for truth” or “rate” on facebook to find out that he’s a wonderful person? No. The reason for this is that he knows himself, what he stands for, and most importantly, he doesn’t do things because he’s concerned about what others think of him (good or bad).  

#2 When someone posts a status that specifically states “like for a truth” what would possess someone who has had no interaction with that person to “like” the status? Hello, If you don’t know someone they definitely shouldn’t be judging you.  For example, if one was a facebook friend with a guy from one’s class whom they’d only interact with during class and the guy from class posted a “like for truths” status why would one click “like”? Here are a few possible responses you might get (from a girl’s perspective): “Don’t really know you but I would like to hmu : ) “. Another might be, “I don’t know you very well (really you don’t know me at all except for class) but you’re beautiful and I’d like to get to know you”. Translation: “Truth is, you mad cute gurl hmu sumtime even though im like 4 years older than you, can’t spell and have no real interest in you other than the fact that you have a vagina and I’m looking for a good time.”  Lastly, you could get something like this, “Truth is, we have history together”. Well no shit, I almost forgot that’s how I knew you!

#3 When someone posts “like for a rating” along with their “like for a truth”….again I’m wondering what would possess someone to click “like”? Are you really that insecure about yourself that you need the validation of another person (possibly someone who doesn’t even know you well)? What if you don’t get the “result” you were looking for….wouldn’t that be a major blow to your self-esteem?  Then there’s the girls (again, Im using girls as an example because I am a girl and I can) who want a rating because they know their hot and they want to be reminded of it by every living breathing creature…..get over yourself.  

#4 I honestly think it’s about a boredom thing.  I’m sure that there’s nothing to better to do with your time than spend hours on facebook telling people what you “really” (I put really in quotes because I don’t think people are as honest in their answers as they claim to be) think of them.  After-all, you certainly wield the power to remind them of how good they look, how smart they are, how funny they are,etc……if someone wants to pay a compliment they will do so without prompting….this is like a forced compliment….or vice versa, if someone “really” wants to let you know how unattractive,dumb, etc you are, they will let you know.

# 5 Everyone sees everyone else differently….the way I see someone isn’t necessarily the way someone else sees the same person.  I mean using a rating scale of 1 to Channing Tatum, my “Channing Tatum” might be someone elses Steve Buscemi, so does it matter if someone thinks you’re a Steve Buscemi when I think you’re a Channing Tatum? Nope, not really because we’re two different people and are attracted to two different types of people. (Crappy analogy but it makes sense to me)

#6 The thing that really crack me up about this is sometimes I can actually witness a fight over the “truth is” or the “rating” someone posted about another person because the person being rated doesn’t like what is being said about them….THEN WHY DID YOU ASK????? For example: I recently saw a “like for truth/rating” status in which the poster stated “truth is, I saw you and your boyfriend the other day…and your rating is a 5”.  The “liker” (not a great word choice but oh well) commented back, “that’s all you have to say about me? and btw you’re not more than a 5 either asshole”.  The poster then commented, “listen, I know Im more than a 5 because people told me I was and Im just being honest”….I will spare you the remainder of the conversation (yeah we’ll call it a conversation) but I had all I could do to refrain from laughing my ass off….clearly, people are too into themselves and seek approval from others way too often…just stay true to yourself, be a good person, and love who you are because only God can judge you : )

I woke up this morning to a beautiful, sunny day….need I say more about what that did for my mood? I’ll be spending the afternoon outside for sure! One of my most favorite new spring traditions since being a student at UMF is spring adventures with my best friends.  Each year in the spring we manage to take some sort of “mini adventure” to the waterfall, the gazeebo, driving around Farmington exploring and hiking the short wood trails and playing in the water at the Sandy! I’m definitely going to miss those things the most after I graduate but I’ll never forget all the good times we had hanging out with each other, enjoying a gorgeous spring day.

Here are some of the things that make me happy not matter what…sometimes when I’m laying in my bed I read the posters I’ve made for my wall about things that have/continue to make me a very happy girl.  I thought I’d share some of those things…maybe they’ll make you happy too : )

In no particular order……

Swinging on the swings with your best friend even though you’re both 21!

Baking yummy things 

Wedding Friday with the girls

Watching the sunrise at the beach….then falling asleep with the sun kissing your skin!

A vase of bright flowers in the middle of winter

Your first kiss

Waking up and realizing you don’t have to be up yet!!!

When your fortune cookie knows whats up : )

Running! Dancing! Singing!

So as someone who has never actually been in a relationship I should probably be the last person to speak about “what makes a good relationship” but I’m going to do it anyway…If you don’t like what I have to say that’s up to you…everyone’s entitled to their own opinion and here’s mine (based on things I’ve observed, movies I’ve watched and books I’ve read….this is how I would try to “be” in a relationship)

So after having spent 22 years in this World & without being in a relationship I have had plenty of time to observe, read about, & discuss relationships and all of the things that make one sink or swim.  I am by no means an expert, giving expert advice on the matter, I am merely an outsider looking in and making some observations.  Many of the things I believe are key to a successful relationship are just that; what I believe would make a successful relationship…so basically it’s how I would “be” in a relationship (in an ideal situation of course).

First off, I would have to say the main ingredients of any relationship are:

* Trust, Honesty, Faithfulness, Hope, Strength (each person should be able to count on the other for strength when one is feeling weak), the ability to laugh, not sweating the “small stuff”, communication, and compromise.

A couple means two, in other words two individuals who share something; a relationship.  When you’re in a relationship you have to remember you each have your own identity, your own likes, your own dislikes, etc.  You are two different people who share some but not likely all interests, characteristics, likes/dislikes but that’s what keeps a relationship exciting!! If both people were 100% the same it would be pretty boring…you want someone who helps you step out of your comfort zone sometimes…how will you ever know what you like if you’ve never tried something out of your comfort zone?  Another important thing to remember is that even though you share many things with your significant other you still need time to do your own thing….I couldn’t imagin spending every second of every day being around someone no matter how much I loved them….take my family for example, I love them to pieces but honestly I enjoy time apart from them and when we get together we have fun stories to talk about because we did our own thing.  If you’re with someone 24/7 won’t you eventually run out of things to talk about? I’d get bored….

Another important factor in maintaining a healthy relationship is communication.  If couples are unable/unwilling to discuss problems, sort out misunderstandings, etc how could a relationship possibly survive? Communication also mean being able to show the other person exactly how you feel….this could be through gestures or simply telling the other person how you feel about them.

Compromise: If you aren’t willing to seek compromise and find some sort of common ground on an issue/s you are having your relationship probably won’t hold up.  Why? Because having a relationship is about sharing. They are about give and take….if one person is constantly giving and the other constantly taking, eventually the person doing all of the giving will snap….it’s not fair to ask one person to give something up because then they are missing out on doing things they enjoy too!

Additionally, compromise will help resolve issues that arise between people in a relationship, which is important because without compromise, even the slightest issue will threaten the relationship.

Of course compassion, and kindness are crucial in any successful relationship….it’s important to be able to rely on one another and know that no matter what the other person will support you and show compassion towards you….this one seems pretty self explanatory so I won’t continue.

Last but certainly not least is FAITHFULNESS!! Im not even going to get into this one because I have way too much to say about how/why it’s so important as well as how/why so many people neglect to have a relationship based on faithfulness/loyalty.

So there you have it, my take on what could make a relationship work. Of course there are many other factors (physical and emotional factors that I didn’t get into this time) but these are some I’ve thought about lately.